Messaging on Tinder is an art that can be perfected. From setting up the right profile to landing someone with a great first message, here's how you can get your match's attention, and keep their attention.
Roast Founder, Dating and AI Expert
Published November 15, 2023 -Updated March 4, 2024
You've seen your friends use Tinder and you want to jump in the pool, too. Beautiful faces gracing your phone screen, one after the other, and you get to have your pick. Sounds like a dream, doesn't it?
Fast forward a few months, and you can't get a date to save your life. What gives?
Don't forget that there's a real person on the other end. They have expectations, too. You don't have to meet them -- but you have to try to meet them. Everything from your profile picture to the opening message will have a drastic impact on how well it goes. Think them through before sending a message.
From how to message other Tinder users, to how to have the best Tinder conversation, here's our how to message on Tinder guide.
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Table of Contents
Here is the outline of the article, feel free to jump to the section that interests you the most.
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When you first open the app, you are shown someone's pretty profile picture and the option to swipe left or right. If you don't see this, tap the icon that looks like a flame. Press your finger down on the picture and drag your finger right and remove your finger from the screen -- you have just swiped right.
You can only message other people who have swiped right on your profile. There are some tips to get people to like you on dating apps, but we'll get to that later. For now, you can find your Tinder matches by tapping the speech bubble icon at the bottom.
You'll see a collection of profile pictures and names here. When you tap one, you can chat with them. That's the magic of online dating.
At the bottom, you'll see a little bar with "Type a message" inside. Tap that, and start typing, then hit Send to send the message.
Now, how to get them to actually respond is a whole 'nother story.
Just a quick note: you can also make sure you don't miss anything by checking the notifications bell in the upper right corner. This will alert you to new messages, new matches, and new likes. The icon that looks like a person allows you to change your profile and preferences, like the preferred age range.
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The old adage about first impressions is true with online dating. The other person will decide about you as soon as they see your profile picture. The app might look like a series of people who really want to talk to you, but getting a Tinder match is actually pretty hard.
Set yourself up with a great profile before you send any Tinder messages. This also goes for other dating apps. The opening message is important, but compared to the profile picture, it's about a 75/25 split.
Here are a few musts when it comes to your Tinder profile:
These are the rules to get good Tinder conversations. Not only does it leave the best first impression on the other person, but the Tinder app actually has an algorithm that spots these details and rewards you accordingly. You'll be pushed to the top of everyone else's swipe list, getting you more matches.
Most guys and gals don't pay attention to these rules. Follow them and you're more likely to get someone you're genuinely interested in, who you can easily get the conversation flowing with.
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This is the tricky part. Everything up until now has been entirely in your control. Now you must start a conversation on Tinder and create an emotional response.
You've probably thought of a pickup line or two, but really, you shouldn't have a first message ready to go until you've seen your match's profile. A Tinder conversation is still between two people -- you can't just come up with a canned line to use on everyone. You have to treat the other person with respect.
There are a variety of angles you can take with your first message on the Tinder app, or any dating app, but forget about starting a conversation with "hey." Everyone knows this doesn't work with potential matches; it's basically a meme.
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Personalize the first message in your Tinder conversation. Study the user's profile before the conversation starts, and make it about them.
Ask about a hobby of theirs, but don't come off like a total beginner or super expert. Think about how you would respond if someone on Tinder randomly spoke to you, what would compel you to respond, and decide on your opening message with your new match accordingly.
Comment on one of their pictures. Someone on Tinder wants to feel like they're seen, and you can make them feel that way by seeing them. Start the Tinder conversation with a genuine thought you had in response to one of their pictures. If it relates back to something you two have in common, you've done everything you need to.
Use their name. This is one of the easiest ways to make someone feel special. A Tinder conversation is far more likely to go well if you use their name in the first message.
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Now that you've set the bait, follow through. You can keep the conversation going on Tinder by sticking to the following tips:
At any point, the conversation could evolve into something that excites both of you. Until then, keep a polite and somewhat detached demeanor. It might seem artificial, but just remember that it takes awhile for people to trust each other. You can build trust with someone on Tinder by showing them how you interact with new people.
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It might seem like a lot, but now you have everything you need to know in order to message on Tinder. Don't think of these rules as obstacles to real communication -- try to play around with them. You're more likely to make a connection if you have fun doing it. Above all, send messages that involve the both of you. Above all, send messages that involve the both of you.
If you really want to message like an expert on Tinder, consider enlisting the help of ROAST. ROAST has studied dating apps, what works and what doesn't, from profile pictures to opening messages to securing a date. They'll help you get more matches and more dates. Start by taking their quiz.
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Ben is one of the best Dating Experts I've ever met and one of the few that cracked the algorithm of online dating. Every week, Ben is publishing new articles on ROAST, helping 20M+ of people to get more matches, dates, and find the one!
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